Writer's Lament
by tea-leaves-and-dvds
Summary: Loki's fallen in love with Tony and their future together doesn't go as expected. VERY loosely inspired by the song El Poeta (the poet).
**A sad little plot that popped into my head. Review!**

* * *

"What are you writing?" Loki smirked as a pair of strong arms wrapped around his neck and allowed himself to lean back into them slightly. Tony smiled and rested his chin on Loki's shoulder. "New story?" He asked and Loki nodded.

"Yeah, since the last one sold so well, my publisher wants me to start the next one." He sighed, trying to seem annoyed by the arms around him, but couldn't. "Luckily, I have plenty of ideas, but you know the first few chapters are the hardest." Tony nodded, reading the first few paragraphs that were just descriptors of large house.

"'Course." He whined when Loki closed his laptop.

"It's not ready yet, you can't read it." Loki said sternly. Tony had been the first one to encourage him to write, bugging Loki to get him to tell him about his life in Asgard. When the god had, Tony had stared at him until the god shifted in his seat nervously until Tony told him that he should write it all down.

It had been a whirlwind after that, with Tony dragging him around to meet publishers until Loki met one that he could trust. "You're such a stick in the mud, Reindeer Games." Tony said and pulled him out of his seat to drag him to the couch, even though Loki protested.

"I need to write." He sighed but allowed himself to get pulled away.

"You can spare some time for the guy who pulled you out of your life of crime." Tony grinned and pulled him down on the couch with him. They landed in a tangle of limbs and after some shifting Loki managed to find himself sitting between Tony's legs that splayed out over the couch. He leaned back against Tony's chest and yawned.

"Of course, you're my hero." He said with a smirk, trying not to think about the way his stomach turned in protest of the truth behind those words. "You should start a new business." He looked back at him as Tony turned the TV on. "Leave the whole hero thing behind and start a villain rehabilitation center." He said.

Tony chuckled into his shoulder, the little snort that Loki had once found annoying and condescending was now sweet. "Sure, I'll just go find another demi-god that got stripped by his powers and befriend him." He said and Loki reached a hand back to swat at his head.

"Do as you please." He muttered and sulked a bit at the mention of his lost powers. It was his punishment, along with staying on this realm, and even though he hardly cared about the advantage he had lost he remained bitter about some lost opportunities.

Tony chuckled. "Sorry, Loki." He said, knowing he was still sad about his magic, and wrapped his arms around his waist gently to tug him close. "Besides, you know I'd never replace you." He kissed his cheek and Loki chuckled, leaning his head down so his hair could cover up the soft blush on his cheeks, not putting it past Tony to make fun of his for it.

"Stop being so affectionate today." He said and pried Tony's hand from his waist easily. "Unless you want your woman to be upset with you again, or the others to tease us." Tony rolled his eyes.

"She just gets upset because I don't do this with her." He hummed. "If I saw her more often, maybe we would, but I just have better things to do with our time together." He smirked as Loki swat at his head again.

"Dog." He chuckled playfully, and pushed down the pain in his chest. "You humans are so strange." He hummed and looked up thoughtfully. "Machine what was that that Barton called us?" He asked.

"'Gay' sir." JARVIS replied and Tony chuckled.

"I know the word, you know?" He said. "You don't have to ask JARVIS all the time." Loki rolled his eyes.

"He's a good proof reader, and I prefer his memory over yours." He smirked. "But why was that an insult?" He asked him.

"I don't think he meant it as an insult." He told him honestly. "It was kind of just a remark of what we look like, since we spend so much time doing stuff like this." Loki listened.

"Is this strange for Midgardian men?" He asked him. He felt Tony's chest rumble against his back as he hummed.

"I suppose." He said. "I've only had a couple male friends, and I kind of forced them to get used to this." He smirked and Loki smiled at the proud tone in his voice.

"So are you?" Loki asked, trying to keep his tone light. "Gay, I mean." He hummed.

Tony chuckled. "Well obviously not, since I'm with Pepper, but I did think I was bi in college. That means you like both men and women." He explained. "But it never really panned out, when I tried it."

Loki tried to imagine a younger Tony and shook his head to get out of his thoughts. "These labels don't really exist in Asgard." He told him. "Especially with people like me, who can shift between genders." Tony hummed.

"That would have been cool to see." He hummed. "You would have made a very pretty woman." He smirked, and even though it was in a joking tone, Loki's heart sped up.

"I'm going to go back to my work if you're going to keep being an ass." He said and Tony chuckled.

"Alright, sorry, sorry." He said and put his arm around him again. "So what's the new story about?" He asked him.

Loki leaned his head back and hummed. "I want a pair to go through several incarnations of themselves in an attempt to find each other again." He told him and shifted uncomfortably as Tony stared at him. "I know your people don't believe in reincarnation but I thought it might serve as-"

Tony cut him off. "No, it sounds good." He said. "It's just you always refuse to write romances." He hummed. "It's always war stories, or family drama." He smiled. "It'll be nice to read something of yours with a happy ending."

Loki smiled and tucked his hair back. "I mean that will remain the same." He told him. "They won't be together in the end." He looked back at him and smiled softly at Tony's disappointed face. "There are no real happy endings, Anthony." He sighed. "There are only… 'good enoughs' and we just have to learn to be content with that." He leaned his head on Tony's when the other rested his forehead on his shoulder.

"Writers are such downers." He mumbled into his shoulder and Loki laughed.

"No, you're just far too optimistic." He replied, more warmly than he had intended for it to sound.

They both looked over as the elevator doors opened and Clint and Natasha came in. "Tony, come on, the team is going to go out for drinks." Natasha said and Clint gave Loki a look that clearly said that Loki wasn't invited.

Loki sighed and moved to stand but couldn't, Tony's arm remaining around his waist. "No thanks." Tony said. "I'm a bit tired, and I'd planned to have dinner with Loki." He told them and ignored their annoyed looks. "Unless you're busy?" He asked Loki.

Loki stared at them, and looked back at Tony a bit surprised every time Tony picked him over his friends, something that was happening more and more. "No, I'm free." He said, as if he could possibly have something lined up while locked up in his prison and home in the tower.

Tony smiled brightly and looked at the other two. "Another time then." He told them and they sighed. Loki watched them leave and tilted his head back to look.

"Are you sure, Anthony?" He asked quietly. "I'll be fine. You don't have to force yourself to stay for my sake." He mumbled.

Tony nodded. "I know." He said. "But I honestly have more fun just hanging out with you." He told him. "Where should we order food from?" He asked and Loki stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"Chinese." He said and stood. "I'm going to go change into sweatpants. Order a lot of it." He said half-sternly, half-smiling, and walked to his room. He didn't show any outward reactions as he changed but his mind and his heart raced, refusing to quiet down.

He had, unfortunately, fallen in love. He wasn't so lost as to not know what love felt like, but everything in his mind protested, trying to shut down the screams that came from his heart. He knew he should forget it, just learn to love Tony like the friend that he was, but the stupid man had helped him learn how to hope again and a little piece of him told him to confess.

Maybe something would change. Maybe knowing for sure that Tony would never love him in the same way would help him move on.

But Loki was selfish and he wasn't ready to risk his first friendship on such a foolish hope.

* * *

Loki was falling asleep. He'd been up for almost two days now, with little progress on his story to show for it. He barely felt his head hit the table as he began to sleep. He didn't feel two arms pick him up and lay him down on the nearby couch. "Geez, Reindeer Games." Tony sighed and covered him up with a thick blanket. "You need to take better care of yourself." He mumbled, knowing Loki couldn't hear him, and wouldn't pay attention to him even if he could (what with both of them used to working themselves to near death).

He looked at him sleeping and then back at the screen that still lay open. ' _I'm just going to see if I can help him._ ' He told himself, the curiosity getting the best of him, and sat down at the laptop and scrolled up to begin to read.

Loki didn't know how long he slept, but felt his heart beat spike when he saw where he was. He sat up and looked around, feeling frozen when he saw Tony sat down in front of his laptop. "Tony, what-" He froze when the man held a hand up for him to be quiet.

"I'm almost done." He said and Loki felt his chest constrict with nerves as Tony kept reading. He felt like time was going slower and couldn't look up when he heard Tony's footsteps getting closer. He felt the other's hands shift him and blinked when Tony settled down behind him, holding him like before.

"I'm going guess… that the 'cocky, and handsome genius' is me" He said quietly. "and… the lost guy is you." He tightened his arms around him and Loki couldn't help the tears the came from his eyes.

"You-you weren't meant to read it like this." He breathed, trying not to let his crying be seen, but knew Tony would be able to hear it. "I was supposed to change myself to a woman before I gave it to my editor." He breathed. "You weren't supposed to know." He rubbed his eyes.

"Well…" Tony sighed quietly. "I know now." He told him gently and held Loki close. "You know I don't like men like that." He said quietly and Loki felt himself curl up in pain. "But you're my friend… one of my best friends." He hugged him close and Loki leaned back against Tony, not knowing how long he could have this before Tony pushed him away.

"What now?" Loki asked quietly after some time.

"Nothing." Tony said. "Nothing changes. You're still someone I love, yeah?" he kissed his cheek. He knew that Loki couldn't lose him, not when he had confessed to being so alone before. He did love Loki -would have dated him if things with Pepper didn't work out and he had been a woman. It clicked together why Loki got so upset about his lost magic and Tony sighed sadly and held him a bit closer.

"You're so strange." Loki said and even though he complained, his voice carried some clear relief. Tony smiled and nodded, resting his chin on Loki's cheek. "I don't want pity, I would have figured you'd have thrown me out by now. But...I'm grateful." he admitted and his hands reached up to touched Tony's, gripping the warm hands with his cold ones. Tony smiled softly, not shying from the touch.

"I told you." Tony said softly. "You're important to me. We can't let a little thing like you falling in love with me split us up." He said softly and smiled when Loki chuckled. "And don't being thinking that this is your 'good enough'." He told him, knowing Loki well enough to know that the demi-god would believe that this was what he deserved. "We're going to find you your happy ending, alright?" Loki leaned his head back on Tony's chest and closed his eyes.

"I doubt it." He said and smiled when he felt Tony kiss his head. "But finally just having a friend like you, I'll be fine." He breathed.

* * *

Loki stared straight at the wall, ignoring the sound of the elevator opening a few meters to his right. "Where the fuck were you?" He didn't look towards the voice until two hands wrapped around his shirt and pulled him.

He stared blankly up at Clint, his face red and Loki could tell from his eyes that he had been crying. "Here." He said quietly and looked away, seeing the others standing by the elevator. They looked so small now, even Thor kept quiet, unsure of what to say

"We waited for you." Clint hissed. "We knew Tony would have wanted you there!" He shook him but Loki didn't look back at him. Loki's hands gripped the fabric of his pants and his jaw tensed.

"I'll go on my own." He said quietly but Clint shook him again, and Loki flinched when the archer's hand pulled back to hit him but he was stopped by Bruce, who wrapped his hand around Clint's wrist.

"Stop." He said. "We've been through enough." He breathed and tugged him. "Let's go." Clint glared at Loki but pulled away, storming away towards the elevator. Loki looked down at his lap, his hands still clenched around the fabric of his sweatpants. He flinched when Thor knelt by him and grabbed his face, making him look at him, his hands gentle as he held him still.

"Brother… are you okay?" He asked and Loki grit his teeth and closed his eyes, cursing when he felt tears run down his cheeks. "You're not." He sighed, not even able to remember the last time Loki had cried.

"He promised." He breathed. "He said he'd stay by me." He touched the hands on his cheeks and couldn't hold it back anymore and let out a loud sob. "Then he had to idiotically get himself killed." He gasped, trying to breathe and ignore the pitying look that Thor was giving him.

"You loved him." Thor said softly. He had suspected it, but hadn't said anything, knowing it would be hard for Loki to admit to him. Loki looked at him helplessly and nodded, and cried into Thor's chest when the blonde hugged him. Thor couldn't change anything, none of them could. They couldn't bring Tony back, since the man was probably in Valhalla, having died in battle. He ran his hand over Loki's back. "You'll be okay." He promised him, saying it over and over as Loki cried.


End file.
